Kim's Diary for 2010

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Welcome to my blog for 2010.

Diary Entries for 2010

March 03, 2010: Out-N-About at Gender Queery

Gender Queery is "a discussion group for trans, genderqueer, folks outside-the-gender-binary, and allies. Meetings have great discussions on an ever-changing topic followed by informal social time." The discussions are often interesting, educational, and even fun! Some of us hang out afterwards at a local bar, which is also fun. :) I also have a new hair style; got it for my Birthday awhile ago... :) [For the visual among you, here's a picture of me:]
Kim McNelis on March 03, 2010 (Gender Queery discussion group)

February 12, 2010: The New (& Not Improved) Proposed DSM-V

So someone posted comments on facebook about the DSM-V proposed new stuff...


As a cross-dresser (transvestite), I will focus on those proposed changes vs. the Transexual proposed changes. So, from, the proposed definition of Transvestic Disorder (was Transvestic Fetishism):

Transvestic Disorder

A. Over a period of at least six months, in a male, recurrent and intense sexual fantasies, sexual urges, or sexual behaviors involving cross-dressing. [11]

B. The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

Specify if: [12]

With Fetishism (Sexually Aroused by Fabrics, Materials, or Garments)

With Autogynephilia (Sexually Aroused by Thought or Image of Self as Female)

What Kelly Winters says from "Transvestic Fetishism ... remains a punitive and defamatory retribution against nonconformity to male birth-assignment. I hope that removing this clothing-focused paraphilia nomenclature entirely from the DSM-V will become a priority for transcommunities and allies in coming weeks and months."

I couldn't agree more.

My quick thoughts:

  1. Why is it that only a man can have Transvestic Disorder (TD)? If a woman has "intense sexual fantasies... [that] cause clinically significant distress or impairment" doesn't that make her (hir/zim) a TD person?
  2. The language of "... or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning" is not so much defined to deal with the person, but with how those around the person react. If society tells you you're wrong, then clearly you are, and should feel impaired and seek treatment. This makes me somewhere between sad and infuriated!
  3. The questions on the "Severity" tab (of the website cited above) seem a bit, well, off. Going from 'Once ' to 'About once a week'?! What? What happened to once/3 months, or even once per month? Someone who doesn't have occurence relatively often (1/week) is supposed to say 'once'? In their life? Please.

For the record, while I have had my struggles with being a crossdresser, they are primarily due to how I have been treated by others, or felt the weight of societal norms crushing me. In other words, I had a sense of shame or bad feelings because of what people with outmoded opinions and narrow minds (IMNSHO) have been taught to think, reinforce, and enforce. The number of people that have treated me like dirt because I do something that hurts no one (unless the shock of transgressing gender binary thinking stretches their brain in a painful way ;-) is sad really. When I started to realize that they were the ones w/the problem, and unless they threaten my safety, they can think what they want. We're all entitled to our opinions.

So, fundamentally, as long as you don't hurt anyone, I'm good with you (and I) doing what you (or I) want. I think I've said this over and over here. If it's between consenting adults, great. I realize that true consent can be tricky. That some might not consent to seeing a person born a man dressed as a woman. Then again, there are those that are fine with marrying someone born a man, who lives as a woman (and, generally, who's had or may want surgery to look more like a woman to correct a birth defect of sorts), a fine thing.

Can we please, please, please focus on the fact that we are all people, that we are all different, and it's our differences that make life interesting? That diversity is a good thing? That being Normal both isn't desirable and isn't real? There have to be some number of people who fit the statistical norm... for this time, this place. What is normal now wasn't normal 50 years ago. Nor will it be in another 50. Or maybe not even in 5 years.

I will be the first to admit that there's also plenty of gray areas here. I am a product of my upbringing, my society, my nation, my experiences, etc. I do not like everyone, nor am I suggesting you should. I am suggesting you should tolerate others at least, and work towards acceptance (again, with the proviso they're not hurting anyone) at best.

I realize that 'not hurting anyone' is very broad. What sort of hurt is unacceptable? I feel like I need something akin to Asimov's 3 laws of robotics here. Some fundamental principals for dealing with others. So, without enough though but some actual sincerity, I offer you Kimberley's Laws of Dealing with Others (with 'apologies' and appreciation to Mr. Asimov):

  1. You shall not harm a human being... (yes, this includes yourself. :)
  2. You shall forgive yourself if you inadvertently harm a human being (and work to never make that mistake again).
  3. You shall treat humans with tolerance at least, and better with courtesy or even respect.
  4. You shall apply the above laws to all living things, unless it would violate one of the laws above.
  5. You shall apply the above laws to all things, unless it would violate one of the laws above.

Do I live up to this ideal? No, not always. I am, however, working towards it. I will admit some laws I may never fully reach; such as #4 (not harming all living things). After all I am still an omnivore, and I will admit to not being ready to eat Vegan (at least not yet. ;-). So I'm a law-breaker sometimes consciously, and I really try to not break laws 1-3. After all, I set them for myself on purpose.

So, back to the proposed new DSM-V and how it deals with Transgendered people... *SIGH*. Here's to the fervent hope that I have made you think, and maybe encouraged you to have stepped outside of your world, to reach that universe of understanding, tolerance, even acceptance of people and cultures, ways of being, that are different than you. Perhaps you are already beyond me there. I hope so.

Thank you so much for making it through my thoughts, and I wish you peace.


February 06, 2010: Vegas, Baby!

I am back from Vegas (where I celebrated my birthday!), and have been meeting folks both in town and out of town... which has been really nice. :) [A special 'Hi!' to my friend Ksenia in London :)] Oh, and I managed to forget my annual visit count last October; it was about 199,800 total visits since 1996 around October 31, 2009. So thanks to the 15,000 or so of you that visit each year (or the 5 of you that visit many times in a year ;-). Anyway, here's a picture of me out on my birthday, going to Cirque du Soleil's show "LOVE" (set to Beatles music)... oh, and it's before my new hairstyle I got the next day:
Kim McNelis on Jan. 31, 2010 (Birthday at Cirque du Soleil's LOVE)

January 12, 2010: A quick update

Happy New Year! Yes, I'm 'dressing' (cross-dressing) again outside the home... Despite feeling like a big moo. I'm close to as heavy as I've ever been, and I don't like how I look. I am working to change that, with some exercise and eating better, but honestly not enough yet. I'm not going to have a very nice-looking body for Vegas coming up soon, but c'est la vie. I want to go enjoy myself anyway, dressed or not... and I want to enjoy myself 'en femme.' After all, there are women that are my weight or heavier, than can either still look quite nice, and/or not care so much what people think and have fun anyway. I hope that your year is going well so far, and is a great one! :)


January 06, 2010: Happy New Year!

Wow... over 5 months since updating my site. I went to "Gender Queery" at the Portland Q Center (link opens a new window). I enjoy the discussion and the people. I gained waaaay more weight over the last year than I wanted to admit to myself, and it shows. See?
Kim McNelis on Jan. 6, 2010 (Gender Queery at Q Center)

More Diary Left...

Please see my Diary for 2009 for more diary entries.

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